I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
4 words: hood of his car
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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