i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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