stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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