i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
