he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
