it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
