i think my mom watched the whole time
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
