I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
