his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
