a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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