She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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