Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
