Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
