I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I miss vodka workout Fridays
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
