i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Enjoy the penises
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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