At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
MIDGETS
????
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
