Have you finally orgasmed yet?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Drake has all the answers
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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