Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
