either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
