Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
