saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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