Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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