p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
