I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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