he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
