is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
