I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize