3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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