I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
