dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
