Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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