Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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