idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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