I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
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She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
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There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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