My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
