My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
