good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
