it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
