overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
