Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
