doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
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Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
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Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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