i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have aggressive nipples.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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