Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When did angry sex become our thing?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Are these your boobs on my camera?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
