The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
