dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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