sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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