WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
