Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
