well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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