they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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