You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
