I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
