He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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