i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
