ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
