Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
