There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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