I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
