That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
