i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
