he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
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btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
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She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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