WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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