You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
