1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
