I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
