Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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