There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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