So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
