FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
