I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
