Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
