dude i'm inner monologue high
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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