Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
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You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
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We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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