I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
