You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
