I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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