All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
