i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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