We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
