So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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