some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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